Hello 2009!

When we initially scheduled the IEP, January seemed so far away. But the IEP is this coming Monday. As Jennifer was leaving after her session on New Year's Eve, I realized that we only have two more sessions with Jennifer. And today, Cari scheduled Raquel's final outing at the mall for her next session on Monday morning.

I have been completely stressing out about Raquel starting school. Stressing probably isn't the best word to describe it because I've been pretty much out there mentally for the past several weeks - unable to sleep, forcing myself to down a SlimFast to have some kind of energy - just in that really bad place that I don't like to be in. Why now? Probably because the end is near and I can feel it. And I can really feel the uncertainty of it all. Although it may seem intrusive having the therapists in our home daily, I've become very dependant on them and don't know how I'll be able to effectively handle Raquel's transition without their guidance. And I don't know if I'm prepared to deal with the behavior aspect of what may come once she starts school. I guess that's when I'll really be put to the test.

My main concern with Raquel's school, besides her being placed in the class most beneficial to her needs, is the timing of the class. I had my heart set on the school I pass when I drop Gabby off each morning and invisioned dropping Raquel off first, then Gabby, and then being able to get to work doing outside sales, which I desperately miss. As soon as the district informed me that the class they were recommending is the afternoon one, I went in to panic mode. What about lunch and her GFCF diet? What about her napping - or lack of? What about her sensory needs during the afternoon (which is usually harder then)? How can I juggle two kids in school on opposite sides of town? etc., etc., etc. You know, the stuff you think you aren't that concerned about but then it pops up in your head at 2am and won't go away.

Slowly, my logic and reasoning started coming back. And the little voice in the back of my head was screaming, "What is worrying going to do?" Nothing. And why worry about things you cannot control? You can't - or you'll end up being in that bad place. Instead you take a step and listen.

And a funny thing happened. First, Raquel stopped napping at her regular time and has been consistently napping around 3pm (or directly after her ABA session when in the 2pm-4pm timeslot). She's still going to bed at her usual time and continues sleeping through the night. She's just simply napping later and perhaps for not as long (30 - 45 minutes instead of 1 hour). So, if she does get enrolled in the afternoon class, it apparently won't affect her naptime routine.

And then I met a single mother of two who has been doing respite work for over three years. She is wonderful with Raquel and wants to come watch her part-time during the week. She is available to come mornings or afternoons, depending on Raquel's school schedule. This would allow me to attend work meetings and deal with clients as needed - as well as give me a break.

It just proves that once you stop worrying about things that are out of your control, everything slowly starts to fall in place. I'll be going to Raquel's IEP on Monday afternoon with a much more open mind, and for that I'm truly grateful.