Raquel was eating when she arrived, and I was very curious to see how she'd react to her being back in the house. Remember, when the ABA therapy first started, Janine was intentionally the "bad guy" and Raquel used to start crying as soon as she walked in the door. Raquel stopped eating when she came inside, and wanted out of her high chair. As soon as I put her down, Janine said, "Hey little buddy!" and Raquel looked at me and started crying. She clearly remembered Janine and associated her with "working" - almost a year later. Once we explained that she didn't have to work, she calmed right down and became very affectionate with her, giving her lots of hugs and kisses.
And both girls really enjoyed playing with Janine's dog, Escrow, who made himself right at home!
Janine couldn't believe how big Raquel has gotten - and what a head of hair she has! She was also very happy to see how I continue to hold my ground and fight the system that couldn't possibly make things any more difficult. She was also pleased to see how I am still able to stay consistent with Raquel and detach myself emotionally when I know she is just trying to get my attention, which happened yesterday when Janine and I were talking. She started a mini-tantrum that neither of us acknowledged, even though Raqi tried repeatedly to interrupt us. When I told her to knock it off, that we were talking, she eventually stopped and started playing with Escrow. But sitting on the floor with Janine listening to Raquel carry on certainly brought back a lot of memories.
Since I deal with Raquel 24/7, I don't always see the changes or how far we've come until it's pointed out to me. And yesterday I was reminded of it. I remembered at the start of ABA, how I couldn't even be in the room during therapy because I was so distracting to her. I remembered how the session sometimes only lasted ten minutes out of the two hours they were there because she was tantruming the rest of the time. I remembered the beanbag, the squashes, the tent, playing the song - over and over again, fighting to keep her sitting at the table, etc., etc. And I remembered all the tears I shed watching her struggle in the sessions and just praying for it to end. I thought about all of this quite a bit after she left.
I know there is still work to do and that we have a tough road ahead of us. I'll never deny that. But yesterday, thanks to Janine's visit, I was able to put things in perspective a bit. Although I will continue to fight the system in 2010, at least she is in a class with walking and talking kids, with a teacher willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. For that, I am truly grateful. I still question whether or not this is the best placement for her, but at least it is a good starting point. I know she is getting therapy, I know they are working on academics with her, and we have a meeting this Thursday to implement a Behavior Support Plan. And, because of the LKS diagnosis, Raquel may qualify for in-home therapy again, which would be wonderful.
As for me, I have promised myself that 2010 is going to be the year that I start doing things for me again. Me time is no longer going to be optional - it is now a requirement. And I've already registered for my kickboxing camp (http://www.turbokick.com/) this summer, thanks to a very supportive husband.
Janine and I talked about Raquel's "song" yesterday and how every time she hears it she immediately thinks of Raqi. Here's how Jason did it on Sesame Street the other day. Raquel loves when Elmo comes in (when Toca would!) and she just laughs and laughs and laughs.
Happy New Year everyone! Go Outdoors! :-)
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