It's Almost Transition Time

And it's starting to feel like it. Not only am I completely exhausted from it all, I can tell that Gabby is ready for a change. We've been having some behavior and discipline issues lately - which I know are directly related to Raquel getting such constant attention. But, one month from today will be Raquel's final ABA session. The following day she will most likely be starting school.

I'd be lying if I said that this last year has been easy. In reality, it has been one of the most difficult and challenging experiences I have ever faced. Coming to terms with having a child with special needs has been hard, but okay for me to accept. Maybe that's because my motherly instict kept telling me to keep pushing for a developmental assessment before she turned two. Reminder: it took five - yes FIVE - pediatricians before I was granted one. I was told over and over again to stop comparing her to Gabby's development, that Gabby is way too dominating and does everything for her, and that Raquel has great eye contact and was too "social" to even be considered for an autistic assessment. Then the fifth doctor who, after giving me all the above comments, asked the golden question: "What does your gut think, Mom?" Finally, my voice counted. And when she couldn't give me a valid reason for Raquel losing previously acquired speech, agreed to the assessment.

And here we are. It's been such a long ordeal, but we've seen great progress.

I don't know what the hardest part for me is. Having to put work on hold is tough - even though that was an obvious choice. Not able to have much "me" time has been difficult, though that sounds very trivial and selfish considering the big picture. Feeling the stress and strain on my marriage has not been easy - they say the divorce rate when you have a child on the spectrum is 80% - and I have to say I understand why. Once Raquel's ABA therapists leave, we're on our own to deal with her the remaining 22 hours of the day. It's impossible to remove yourself. We have to constantly remind each other that we'll get through it and try to focus on why we are together in the first place. Needless to say, that is easier said than done.

And then there's Gabby. This past year has not been easy for this six year old at all. Raquel getting to play with all of these really great toys with these really fun people has brought out a bit of jealousy at times. But I have to say that we have been blessed with two amazing kids. Gabby displays more patience than most adults, and her unconditional love for Raquel is a beautiful thing to see. She tells everyone - I mean, EVERYONE - that she has the best little sister in the world. She also tells them that Raquel has Autism and has a bunch of therapists, but says that makes her even more special.

Reflecting back on this past year - through all the ups and downs there were and will continue to be - I've been asking myself how I might be able to help others in the beginning stages of their first therapy year. It was such an alone feeling at first. Everything was so new, you don't know what to expect, all these strangers are in your house. It feels like your life is literally turned upside down and it is extremely overwhelming.

Everytime Elizabeth would leave, she would always say, "You're not alone. We're a team. You can do this." That is exactly what I needed to hear because I felt alone, that no one understood, and that things would never get any better. I still find myself saying this over and over again in my head when things are trying. And I keep thinking about how many families are out there that just need to hear those words. Again, it's 1 in 150 these days and that equals a lot of people.

So, as my little angel transitions on to school, I'm making a promise to myself to do whatever I can, in whatever capacity, to help families who need this kind of support. I just need to figure out a way to do so.