Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Weaning Not What I Expected

I really wish that I could say that things have gone great since we started Raquel's medication wean at the end of June. I had very high hopes, which is why when Dr. Mower showed a bit of hesistance because he was leaving, I was pretty insistent that we begin the process, even if slightly. I've done so much with her diet wise. I've taken her out of school because it was triggering seizures. I so desperately want to see her off these anti-convulsants, but most importantly, I so desperately want to see her seizure free and able to experience things a "normal" child is able to do.

Prior to the initial wean, Raquel was taking 1,650mg/day of meds. Seizures were probably happening maybe once a month and they were the tonic ones, where her arms would go above her head and she'd get stiff. At this point, I felt that the seizures were being triggered by deviations in her diet - eating or drinking a forbidden item in error. Dr. Mower thought it was pretty coincidental as well, since I keep journals and document everything, so the weaning began.

One med was reduced slightly, so her new daily dose was 1,400mg/day. She did really well at first - seemed a lot more alert, focused, did well working with her teacher at home. We found her to be more attentive and she had the ability to stay on task for longer periods of time. Yay!!!

About 2 weeks after this reduction, she began to develop what is called "drop seizures", where she would just randomly fall for no apparent reason. It would happen while walking across the kitchen (she actually cut her cheek on the kitchen counter once), in the bath, playing in her room, sitting in her chair watching tv. It was just a random thing - and not a good one. These types were new to her, so of course I called Dr. Mower, who was in the process of relocating to Northern California.

We tweeked the meds again after the drop seizures started, reducing one medication and increasing another so she was now taking 1,500mg/day. Again, she did pretty well initially, but to see the effects of the med increases/decreases can take anywhere between 2 days and 2 weeks with her. It's just a waiting game - all you can do is hope for the best, document everything, and pray.

Around the first week in August, she continued to have drop seizures, although they became less frequent (maybe 5 a day instead of 10), but she now started developing "absence seizures", which are by far my favorite. With these, Raquel would be sitting and then just briefly tip over and check out for a few seconds. Again, not good when it happens in the bath but for Raquel, these are the least evasive to her and the easiest for me to deal with. I don't freak out. :) These are also referred to as staring spells where it kinda looks like she's daydreaming. Who knows? Maybe she is.

So meds were adjusted again in mid-August, just a week or so before Dr. Mower's last day, and I was pretty stressed at this point. We reduced one med more and increased the other, putting her at 1,100mg/day and just went from there. I did speak with him one more time before he left and asked what his next recommendation would be, new medication choices, etc. I felt I needed to have that conversation with him because he has treated Raquel for so long, ordered up all the tests, analyzed test results, etc. There are 2 additional medications he said he'd suggest being tried, but before doing that, he said I should take the Keto Diet to the next level and instead of keeping her on the Low-Glycemic Index Treatment - the lowest level of the diet - to get with the nutritionist again (GREAT) and to start weighing and calculating meals more.

Towards the end of August, seizures increased to the worst they've ever been. The absence seizures were gone, but the tonic ones came back in full force - daily, even multiple times a day - and she continued to have drop seizures in addition to those. Good times. So, I re-read my journals over and over again, and reviewed the doses and the doses in each wean process and after a lot of thinking and soul searching, decided to put her back where I probably should have left her in the first place - at the original med level of 1,650mg/day - until our new neurologist is assigned and I can get in touch with my forever missing-in-action Keto nutritionist.

She has been back at her full dose for almost 3 weeks. I wish the seizures were gone, but she is starting to have good days and bad days, instead of just really, really bad days. She no longer has absence seizures or drop seizures - the two I seemed to handle the best - but tonics are still occuring a lot more frequent than I'd like to see. They are no longer contributed to her being cold, stressed, tired - they are random now, but are becoming less frequent. We are at a point now where she is even going a couple days seizure free. It may take a while to get her back to where she was. I don't know. Hope and prayer, that's all I can say.

She has also started weekly physical therapy and I've learned a lot. We had her fitted for orthodics to wear in her shoes...






And she's doing a lot of exercises to strengthen her legs and overall low muscle tone, such as kicking blocks...



And stepping on squishy ball things, which not only helps with the leg strength, but also improves balance.





Next week weekly speech therapy should be starting up as well.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Welcome to Holland

This pretty much sums it up for those of you looking for a little insight in my world of special needs.  I think Holland is a challenging but rewarding place.

Welcome to Holland
~ Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.  It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy.  You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum.  The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice.  You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.  It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.  You pack your bags and off you go.  Several hours later, the plane lands.  The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say.  "What do you mean Holland?  I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy.  All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan.  They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.  The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.  It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books.  And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.  It's just a different place.  It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begine to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips.  Holland even has Rrembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.  And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go.  That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.  But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland.